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Friday, April 3, 2015

Difference between Love Infatuation and Lust

Difference between Love Infatuation and Lust

Fairy tales like Cinderella and Snow White romanticize love by showing the main characters living happily ever after. In Hollywood movies like Pretty Woman or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, we see slight variations of guy meets girl, guy loses girl and guy gets girl back. In most of these movies, they live happily ever after. In fairy tales and movies, we're led to believe that happily ever after means that everything is always wonderful between guy and girl.
In real life, here is the more common scenario: Guy meets girl, guy has fun with girl but wants to date others, girl just wants to date guy and tries to keep his attention, and girl may stay too long with a guy who isn't right for her. Or if guy decides that he wants girl, fears and insecurities that surface from both individuals means that things aren't the happily ever after portrayed in fairy tales and movies. Placing unrealistic expectations from fairy tales and movies onto your own love life when reality is different makes it hard to know if you're in love. If you believe happily-ever-after means everything always flows wonderfully, and when your own relationship ebbs and flows, you may not realize you are actually in love with a wonderful guy. Additionally, having strong feelings for someone can make you think you're in love when you're actually in lust or infatuated. Here's the important distinction between lust and infatuation: 
Lust is a physical emotion and reaction to someone else's physical appearance. It's when you're sexually attracted to a guy and want him only for sex. Lust tends to be short-lived and is more about immediate gratification. If it's just lust, you will have sex in the heat of the moment and only feel physically fulfilled.
Infatuation is an intense feeling. It happens when you are attracted to a guy's appearance or attracted to him sexually. Infatuation happens early on and tends to become obsessive. When you're infatuated, you see him through rose-colored glasses based on who youimagine him to be. You have put him on a pedestal and don't acknowledge him for who he really is — good or bad. You may behave irrationally, become caught up in your feelings of what you think love is and aren't living in reality.
The intensity of feelings that come with lusting after someone or being infatuated may cause you to think you're in love. When the guy you're lusting after or are infatuated with doesn't feel the same way, disappointment and heartache ensue. As a result, these lustful and infatuation experiences that don't work out, will cause you to believe, "Love is hard, painful and uncertain." The reality is love isn't any of these things. If you're experiencing love to be hard, painful and uncertain, and asking, "Am I in love?", you are not in love. 
Lust and infatuation are usually fleeting and short-lived and don't tend to turn into love. When you are in love, you will have intense feelings for a guy, and be attracted and connected to him on the level of mind, body and soul. Here is my perception and experience of love.
Love is a feeling. Feelings are the most common way that people learn about and experience love. When it is truly love, you will feel good about yourself when you're with and without him. As a result, you will also feel good about him. Since you're only human, sometimes you may not feel so good about yourself or him. This doesn't mean it's not love. It just means that things are ebbing, and change and growth are taking place.  
Love is an inside job. We tend to look for love from someone else, not realizing that love is actually within. Love is about loving yourself first so that you are whole and not looking for someone else to complete you. The quality of your love life is a direct reflection on how much (or little) you care for and love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more you attract a guy who will love you just as much.
Love is a way of being. Love is experienced in the present moment.  When you are present, negative thoughts and feelings fall away, making space for gratitude, kindness and loving energy. Being present with your partner lets you see him through fresh eyes and keeps you in love. Being present helps you express yourself more openly, building a deeper connection.
Love is a choice. It's easy to choose love when things are going really well. And when insecurities and fears come up, choosing love is where your greatest growth happens. Love is choosing we over me, unless you're in an abusive relationship. It's being considerate of your partner and making choices for the greater good of your relationship.
Love is built on a strong foundation. Building a strong foundation of love happens by being the best version of you, taking the time to learn about each other, appreciating and accepting each other's qualities, quirks and differences, being there through thick and thin, resolving differences in a respectful manner and letting him be who he is without trying to change him.
20 Questions to Know if You're in Love
Your answers to these questions will reveal if you're in love. Answer "true" or "false" with the first response that comes up. If you're thinking about or rationalizing your answers too much, stop answering these questions. Instead, take some deep breaths and relax.  Then respond from a place of inner calm.
  1. I am attracted and connected to my partner physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
  2. The thought of my partner makes me happy.
  3. I feel happy about myself when I'm with my partner and without him.
  4. I am free to be my true self in my relationship.
  5. I like who I am in my relationship.
  6. I love myself just as much as I love my partner.
  7. I feel good about who my partner is. 
  8. If my partner were to lose his material possessions, I would still love him and be with him.
  9. I appreciate my partner and his quirks.
  10. I'm happy for my partner when good things come his way.
  11. When difficulties come up for my partner, I'm here to support him.
  12. I feel good about the way my partner and I interact and resolve issues.
  13. I choose in favor of our relationship; my decisions are for the greater good of our relationship.
  14. When I have good or bad news, or a challenging situation, my partner is one of the first people I call.  
  15. When we have issues, my initial response is to resolve them, not leave him.
  16. When our relationship isn't flowing as smoothly as I'd like, I'm able to be with what is and trust that things are and will be fine.
  17. I feel content and fulfilled in my relationship.
  18. I know my partner feels the same way about me as I do him (i.e. we both like and love each other).
  19. There's no one else I'd rather be with, than my partner.
  20. I mostly approach our relationship from a place of love. 
You are mostly likely in love if the majority of your answers are "true". If most of your answers are "false", you are not in love. You are approaching love from fear and under the belief that love is hard. The bottom line is: if you're in love with the right guy, love won't be or feel so hard. You will feel uplifted and loved for your true self. You will know how he feels about you. Your relationship will flow with more ease and when difficulties arise, they will be resolved respectfully.

Love me without.....

“Love me without restriction,  Trust me without fear, Want me without demand and accept me for who I am.”
My initial reaction to it was – Wow! Excellent!. Then I read it again, something about it made me uneasy. My mind began to whir. I was compelled to delve deeper to find that which was hiding behind the attractive facade.
Once the seemingly open words had their free-spirited veneer chipped away, I began to feel restricted by them. When I first read them, it was as though I was the person saying those words, so they seemed right. But then I read them as though they were being said to me, and I felt that I was being given a set of rules of interaction. As long as I followed this person’s rules, they would allow me to love them, but if I broke the rules, they would leave me because I obviously didn't understand them or their needs.
“Love me without restriction” – is a restriction being imposed by someone who doesn't want to be tied down, upon someone they are tying down with their words. As in, I am now telling you exactly how you must love me.
“Trust me without fear” – is a fear-inducing statement. As soon as anyone says something like that, you can be fairly certain that they are probably untrustworthy. People who are trustworthy rarely feel the need to say ‘Trust me’, as they know that they are and it would never occur to them to think that they are not. They might say it, if the other person had questioned their trustworthiness, but they would probably not add ‘without fear’. The addition of ‘without fear’ intensifies the sense that this person is not to be trusted.
“Want me without demand and accept me for who I am” – is a demand. The person saying this is doing the very thing that they do not want done to them. They are not accepting the person they are saying this to as they are, because they are telling them who they want them to be. They are demanding them to be undemanding. But what if the person at the receiving end of these words has needs too.
I flip things around a lot in my mind. Whenever someone says anything to me, especially when it is directed at me, such as a question, a criticism, or a compliment, after hearing it, rather than absorb it into myself, I tend to mirror it back at them. People, including me, talk about themselves all the time, sometimes they do it in a straightforward manner, and sometimes they do it in an indirect manner. They project themselves onto others, using others as their mirror image, detached from them, yet still a part of them.
This quote is a puzzle often encountered in relationships. What we want versus what the other wants. And what we want from others is not necessarily what we give in return. We often ask for things, behaviors, from others which we are not able or prepared to offer to them. Perhaps the reason we are asking for it is because we believe that we do not have it, or we have a very tiny supply and we guard it with our life, so we can’t give it away as it is too precious a resource. It’s tricky.
There was a time in my life when I felt very misunderstood by the world, and the thing I wanted most from others was to be understood. I craved understanding. Being misunderstood was one of my greatest fears. So much so, that I saw misunderstandings everywhere. I lived in a permanent state of being misunderstood. The frustration of it drove me up the walls and on to the ceiling to which I clung, growling, hissing, and sometimes spitting at those who were on the floor below me. I eventually fell off the ceiling, hit my head on the floor, and came to my senses. I realized that most of the misunderstandings I saw others having about me, actually belonged to me. As I assimilated this realization, I began to turn the projection around. If I wanted to be understood, then I needed to learn to understand.
First I needed to understand myself. This was a shock. There I was demanding that others understand me, and I didn't understand myself. Then I saw that that was partly why I wanted others to understand me, I hoped they would share their insights about me with me because I didn't have any.
Once I had gained some understanding of myself, I turned my attention to others, and learned to understand them. Who they were, what they wanted, needed, etc. The greatest surprise I had was seeing that everyone craved understanding from others. So I tried to give it as best as I could without asking for it in return. The more I understood about others, the more I understood about myself. And strangely enough, I began to see how well others understood me.
That’s the paradox. What we want from others, we only get from them when we give it freely to them without asking for anything in return. So this person who wrote this quote, who wants love without restriction, trust without fear, to be wanted without demand, and be accepted for who they are… if they gave all of these things freely to others, they would not need to say these words at all.
So, What do you think?